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Many parents are surprised that their children, calm and sustained during strangers, suddenly become aggressive. What to explain this and what to do about it?

“My 11-year-old daughter starts up literally half a turnover. When I try to explain to her as calmly as possible why she cannot get what she wants, she becomes furious, starts to scream, claps the door, throws it to the half of things. At the same time, at school or visiting, she behaves calmly and sustained. How to explain these sharp https://urbaniq.green/2022/06/29/mostbet-mobil-ttbiq-azrbaycandan-olan-oyuntsular-uetsuen-icmal-202-3/ mood swings in a home environment? How to be with it?”

Over the years of my work, I received a lot of such letters from parents whose children are prone to aggressive behavior, suffer from constant emotional breakdowns or force the rest of the family members to walk on tiptoe, just not to provoke another outbreak.

Children behave differently depending on the environment, and the functions of the prefrontal cortex of the brain play a large role in this-it is responsible for controlling impulses and the inhibition reaction. This part of the brain works very actively when the child is nervous, worried, afraid of punishment or waits for encouragement.

That is, even if a child is upset something at school or visiting, the prefrontal bark will not allow this feeling to manifest itself with all force. But upon returning home, fatigue accumulated during the day can result in hysteria and bouts of anger.

When the child is upset, he either adapts or reacts to the situation with aggression. He will either come to terms with the fact that his desire will not be fulfilled, or begin to be angry – at the brothers and sisters, to his parents, even on himself.

If we try to rationally explain or advise something to a child who is already very upset, then only increase this feeling. Children in this state do not perceive the information logically. They are already crowded with emotions, and from explanations it gets even worse.

A true strategy of behavior in such cases is “to become a captain of the ship”. Parents must support the child, confidently directing him, as the captain of the ship paves a course in raging waves. It is necessary to give a child to understand that you love him, are not afraid of the manifestations of his feelings and help him overcome all the whirlpools on the life path.

Do not worry if he does not manage to clearly name the reasons for his anger or resistance: the child is most important to feel that he was heard. At this stage, one must refrain from advice, instructions, exchange of information or expressing your opinion.

After the child was able to take off the load of experiences, express emotions and feel himself understood, ask him if he wants to hear your thoughts and ideas. If the child says no, it is better to postpone the conversation until better times. Otherwise, you simply “burst into its territory” and get a response in the form of resistance. Do not forget: to get to the party, you should first get an invitation.

So, your main task is to encourage the child to move from aggression to acceptance. No need to look for a solution to the problem or make excuses – just help him find the source of the emotional tsunami and ride a wave on the crest.

Remember: we do not grow children, but adults. And although we teach them to overcome obstacles, not all desires are fulfilled. Sometimes you just can’t get what you want. Psychologist Gordon Newfeld calls it a “wall of futility”. Children to whom we help to cope with sadness and frustration, through these disappointments learn to overcome more serious life’s hardships.

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